Volume 5, No. 4

January 9, 2014


by Leslie Knope


It’s 2014, everyone! A whole new year full of new possibilities! And a whole new year of HOLIDAY CELEBRATIONS! What’s that? You already miss Halloween? Me too! On the bright side, you can now start to count down the days until the next one! Or is Arbor Day more your speed? Guess what? That one is just around the corner!

So on that note, you should sign up for all the fun things your great Parks Department has planned for 2014. Um… excuse me, Leslie… is there going to be another Groundhog Day Viewing Party at the Rec Center? Oh you bet there is! And… pardon me, again… but is the Citywide Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament back on now that the court order has lifted? Let me answer that question with a question: Did Pawnee outlaw cuckoo clocks in 1828? The answer to both is a resounding YES.

And don’t forget… we always need volunteers. Anyone helping out at an official Parks & Rec event in 2014 will get a coupon for 10% off the waffle of your choice at JJ’s Diner. Now if that’s doesn’t pique your Mt. Interest, then I don’t know what to tell you.

So what’s in store for me in 2014? Well, to wax poetic and riff on the great Dr. Seuss book… Oh the places I’ll go and the things I’ll do. After all, what a difference a year makes!

Happy New Year, Pawnee!

Leslie Knope



by Chris Traeger


With each new year, I take stock of the year that was and make a personal agenda for the year to come. Some people call this a “resolution.” I call them Traeger Tasks. But sometimes it’s hard to accomplish all of my Traeger Tasks. Life gets in the way. I get busy and plans fall by the wayside (ugh, how I loathe waysides!). So this year, at the suggestion of Dr. Richard Nygard, I’m going public, in hopes that by sharing my list with you all I stay motivated to complete the whole thing.

Here now is the Traeger Task List for me, Chris Traeger:

Stay in touch… with my friends, family, nature, and everything else that’s good in my life!

Run more… I plan to run the length of the Earth’s circumference by year’s end.

Volunteer more… the greatest hand in the world is a helping one.

Travel… #1 on my list is India. I hear the kale fields there are divine.

You should try making your own list and share it with your family and friends. Let’s help each other, and, in doing so, help ourselves by helping someone else’s self.

Go 2014!!

Yours in friendship and happiness,
Chris Traeger




by Donna Meagle


There should be a way to physically keep people from changing the thermostat. Every morning I come into the office and the thermostat in the main hallway is set way too high. Like, way out of the appropriate levels to the Meagle Comfort Zone. I need to remain at a certain core temperature or I don’t function. And if that ever happens and I catch the culprit in the act, it’s not gonna be pretty.

I’m looking at you, Frank in Labor Services. I know it’s you. Leave the thermostat alone, put on a jacket, or face the consequences. Consider yourself warned.





As of late, I have seen many ineffective, amateur campfires. This pattern must cease. Here now is the Ron Swanson 3-step method to building a fire:

1. Gather tinder, kindling, and dry firewood.

2. Assemble in a teepee fashion.

3. Light it and marvel.

Note: Leslie is obligating me to remind everyone that just because the weather is cold and there is snow on the ground, it does not mean there is no longer a fire danger. She reminds you of the Parks Department’s fire plan: Preparedness, Alertness, Water… or “P-A-W.”

Note: I prefer “B-A-M.” Also known as BE A MAN.

Ron Swanson


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