Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012


by Leslie Knope

Hey, everyone — there are a ton of fun and exciting things happening this month in Pawnee, courtesy of your Parks Department, and I thought it’d be a good idea to remind you about some of them. So get your calendars out, and a box of colored markers, because you’re about to go bananas with scheduling! (Maybe grab a banana, too — high in potassium.)

The Valentine’s Day Dance is stop #1 on the calendar-mobile. We’re turning an ordinary function hall into a den of fun love. Lovers of all shapes and sizes will meet on the dance floor, move their bodies, and let Cupid’s arrows work their magic. REMINDER: The first 25 entrants get a free box of Sweetums’ Smooches — those adorable cone-shaped chocolate sweets which we are legally required to describe as “absolutely nothing like Hershey Kisses.”

Now that you’ve redoubled the fire between you and your partner… or have lit a brand new fire with a brand new partner… it’s time for the two of you to do something fun! The Parks department is teaming up with JJ’s Diner for Pancake Picnic in the Park. Purchase a pre-packaged pancake picnic pale and come to Prescott Park for a perfect pafternoon. (Weather permitting. We’re looking at you Punxsutawney Phil. No shadow!!)

As you can see, this is already promising to be the best February Pawnee has ever seen! Granted, February has traditionally been a pretty rough month here. (Moment of silence for everything that happened in February 1872.) But still — exciting times!


Ron Swanson

I will be watching the Super Bowl this Sunday, but where I watch it is none of your business. So stop inviting me to your house as I will not be attending your party. Nor do I wish to buy any “squares.”

I do not care who wins because the Colts are the number one team in the greatest state in the greatest country on Earth. The rest is details.

End of posting.


by Tom Haverford

It’s that time, again, where the Academy gets it wrong, and the best movies of the year are overlooked. Join us in Circle Park on February 25th to watch the films that should have been nominated. Films like “Fast Five,” starring Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The event starts at 4 PM, but stick around to go back in time, and view the overlooked films of the past, like: “2 Fast 2 Furious,” “The Fast and the Furious,” as well as “Fast & Furious.” Again, this is a look back at the films that have been overlooked by the Academy Awards, not a Fast And The Furious Movie Marathon In The Park, which I was very clearly told would not be allowed. This will end at midnight with a screening of “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” which most people don’t know is the last movie, chronologically, in the “FF” franchise, despite it being the third to be released. As always, DJ Bluntz will be there (either spinning or just watching — his text was vague).



by Andy Dwyer

(Note from Leslie: I believe Andy accidentally turned in an assignment for his Women’s Studies class by accident, but I am so proud of him, I wanted to publish it here anyways.)

Women. Aren’t we all women if you really think about it? Maybe. But, what about men you ask? Can a man be a woman? And, if not, what can a man truly know about a woman? The greatest woman I know, told me to always ask questions (note from Leslie: that was me!). So, I ask you, now: what is a woman? Wrong. What isn’t a woman? Guess again. Abigail Adams was married to John Adams, and was the mother of John Quincy Adams. She was a woman. Or was she? I was assigned to write about her. Was I? I don’t know. Think about it for once. Thank you. Has this been 1,000 words? I sure hope so. The assignment was to write 1000 words. One thousand! Words! So many words. So many women, so few who were married to John Quincy Adams. Makes you think. From, Andy.

Leslie Knope for City Council

Leslie Knope for City Council

Leslie Knope for City Council

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