Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012


by Leslie Knope

Parks Department Deputy Director Leslie Knope here with a very important message: all Pawnee parks are now and forever closed. And there’s an alien attack happening, and gravity doesn’t work anymore.


If you could see me typing this right now, you’d see the biggest grin in the entire world. I know I’m a little late, but I had to do it. Man do I love April Fools’ Day. It’s a day when we all get to laugh and play games; and you have to be on the lookout for pranks, so it makes everything super exciting. This year, I got Ron pretty great. The night before, I went into the basement to the telephone panels, and switched my phone line with his line. He got all my calls and his phone was ringing all day long! Unfortunately, he realized what was happening very quickly and just ripped the phone out of the wall, but still, I got you so good, Ron!

I hope the rest of you had a prankful April Fools’, too. But remember: keep it safe.

Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation


by Chris Traeger
City Manager

Yesterday while jogging I had many epiphanies. Some of them had to do with my turkey burger recipe (hint: coriander), while some of them had to do with my flossing regimen (updates coming soon!). But the most important one had to do with running itself! Neat!

Running is so much fun. It invigorates the body and activates the mind. It provides vital thinking time, when you can get in touch with your inner harmony and spirit, or chakra. I want to share this magnificence with all of you. My epiphany was: I am starting a running club! It will be called “Running with Chris Traeger.” Every week, we’ll gather in front of City Hall at 4:30 a.m. for a three-hour run, followed by 30 minutes of meditation and a gluten-free, all-natural energy drink I’ve created called “Liquid, by Chris Traeger.”

Please sign up with my assistant, Kim, or you can just tell me yes in person when I see you in the halls or at your desks. Time to run!



by Ron Swanson (dictated by April Ludgate)

This is a test. I am testing my new 1962 Time-Master/7 Dictaphone which I purchased from a pawn shop and restored. Just to be clear, this machine will not be used for any government business. Test complete.
Ron Swanson.


by Andy Dwyer

I saw the posters around City Hall for a fantasy baseball league. The following is my submission:

Team Name: Indiana Rock N’ Rollerbladers
Coach/Starting Pitcher: Andy Dwyer (me)
Catcher/Wife: April Ludgate
Outfielders: Dave Matthews, Eddie Vedder, Bruce Springsteen
Infielders: Bruce Lee, Randy Couture, Chuck Liddell
Bullpen: Cee Lo, The Mentalist, Stephen King
Home Field: The Grass at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway

That would be my fantasy baseball team. I’m not sure how this works but if this team is cool let me know, whoever you are, and tell me what the next step is.

Leslie Knope for City Council

Leslie Knope for City Council

Leslie Knope for City Council

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