Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012


by Leslie Knope

Hello, Pawnee!

It’s summer time, and you know what that means: listening to the Carly Rae Jepsen song and pretending everything around you is a live music video! But before you put on your headphones and head outside, we at the Parks Department have just a few important reminders for you.

• The man advertising “Free Animal Show” at Circle Park is not licensed. He’s just a guy with a snake and two possums. If you see him, DO NOT approach, and alert authorities immediately.

• Please do not loiter outside the pool at the community center; due to an architectural error, the surrounding glass creates intense solar rays that are unsafe for human skin and plastic belongings.

• Several parents have reported being scared after seeing groups of youths engaged in “strange activity” on the large open fields in Ramsett Park. This is just “soccer.” Yes, it’s a “foreign” game, but I promise it is completely harmless.

• Until the dispute between the birds and raccoons is settled, the old playground at Tucker Park is closed indefinitely.

• It’s hot out there, so stay hydrated! Just not from the water fountains. They’re still not okay to drink from. Long story.

That’s all! Now go unfold your water slides and turn on your sprinklers, you’re missing valuable summer seconds! AHH I LOVE SUMMER!

Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation


by Ron Swanson

O say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Thank you, America.


by Chris Traeger
City Manager

Summer is officially here, and if you’re not excited about it, then there’s something officially wrong with you! And while I’m not a doctor and can’t legally diagnose you with anything, I am serious about how awesome summer is.

Summer is when the newborn babes of spring have grown up and begin to truly live life. Summer is when men and women hit the great outdoors and enjoy the hot rays and nourishing Vitamin D of the Sun. Summer is when boys and girls make lifelong friends at camp – which is where a certain City Manager had his first kiss. (Side note: It was with Jane Linderby; it was beautiful, and I think about it often.) (Hello, Jane. I hope your life is spectacular.)

Do you know what… stop reading this, everyone. Step away from your computers, and go outside! Do it now, and you won’t regret it! The summer is yours for the taking. Now go and grab it!!!


by Donna Meagle

The Rec Center thermostat will be set at 60 degrees this month. It is not broken. I have to work the registration desk there for three hours a week. I like it cold. Do not bother complaining. It will do you no good.

Just chill.


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