Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012


by Leslie Knope

Yes, yes, yes, Summer is ending, but that doesn’t mean the parks are closing! (Except for Circle Park of course, but that is unrelated and we will catch that aggressive hawk soon.) More importantly, the end of summer is one of my favorite times of year for the Parks Department. It’s right up there with the beginning of Summer, the end of Winter, the beginning of Spring, the end of Spring, and the beginning of Winter. Oh! I also love the end of Fall! Seasonal transitions are so exciting!

I want to share some event ideas I had for the Fall, and maybe get some public feedback before going forward with them. And yes, these are only event name ideas, but just because they aren’t completely fully-formed, doesn’t mean they won’t be a huge success. Let us not forget the 2009 extravaganza: “500 Maize Of Summer” Corn Cook-Off.

Here are a few events that might be happening in the upcoming months:
“FALLow The Yellow Brick Ramsett Park Path Scavenger Hunt”
“FALLey Shore In The Park” — A Tribute To 90s Comedy
“FALL Me Maybe” — A Musical
“FALLy Parton” — A Musical
“All in All You’re Just Another Brick in the FALL” — A Pink Floyd-Inspired Musical”

Truth be told, I have a very long list, but these are just a few frontrunners. I look forward to hearing your feedback and compliments.

Yours FALL-ly,

Leslie Knope


by Chris Traeger

Attention, Pawneeans! Stop what you’re doing right now. This is a city-wide emergency! Get in your cars immediately and drive out to Snerling. Why? I’ll tell you! You’re going to Grain ‘n Simple! They just got in a shipment of the most scrumptious pluvocados!!

A pluvocado, for the uninitiated, is the delectably perfect combination of a plum and an avocado. That’s right: food scientists have finally cracked one of nature’s greatest puzzles! You get the sweet and juicy of the plum, and the nutty, tenderness, and flavor of the avocado. They are a steal of a deal at only $11.99/pound.

Before you even ask yourself… no… I am getting nothing in return for this. No money, that is — I am getting the satisfaction of knowing that you are all getting healthier by eating this brand new superfood, as well as a burst of joy for turning you on to produce’s newest star.

Traeger recipe alert! Make your guacamole with pluvocados and take your next exercise party into the stratosphere!

Happy eating!


by Donna Meagle

This is a place of business. Acquiring a permit for a birthday party does not give you the license to invite me to your party, and expect me to come to your party. Especially when you are wearing shaggy old khakis, and a stained jean jacket. You could be cute if you did some work: a few push ups, and some new cologne would be a start. For now, you have a long way to go. I’ll give you one year. Get it done. Also, don’t give someone your number, ask for theirs. Be a man. See you next summer, Len.

Ya better bring it,



by Ron Swanson

I was in the break room, and I overheard a man tell another man that his shirt was “nice.” Men’s shirts can either good or bad, never “nice.”

Ron Swanson

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