Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012


by Leslie Knope

Hello, Pawnee Citizens!

It’s October, and you know what that means: Halloween Month! I will now provide myself five minutes to watch that YouTube video of the prisoners doing the choreographed “Thriller” dance – I suggest you do the same. Okay, I’m back. Wait, no, since I have the browser open, I have to watch the sneezing panda video. NOW, I’m back (full disclosure: I just spent two and a half hours on YouTube).

Okay, boys and ghouls, I know I have a lot of fun with puns and song lyrics, but we do need to get serious for a second. This time of year brings a lot of unrest to the Parks Department, and I just wanted to issue a general reminder to our citizens. No nefarious activity will be tolerated. Pranks on individuals are going to be treated as a criminal offense. I will be following you. I know your schedule, and I have offered money to your fellow classmates for all intel pertaining to your whereabouts. You hear me, Pikitis?

Great, now that we got that boring general government stuff out of the way, I want to wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

You are all “boo”-tiful people!


Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation


by Andy Dwyer

Hey everybody reading this newsletter, it’s Andy of Mouse Rat, live from the Parks Department! I’ve been Leslie’s assistant for a month and things have been awesome. Here’s what’s happened so far:

• The wife and I have found secret make-out spots. I can’t tell you them, but I’ll give you a hint for our favorite one. It rhymes with “blunder bron’s desk.” But that’s all you’re going to get out of me.

• Every so often, I notice Donna looking at me real intense with her eyes. I think I might have something in my teeth.

• I’m starting to understand what people are always saying about Jerry.

• Leslie asked me to “re-collate” her idea binders by year and then alphabetically by idea, which reminds me that I still need to figure out what that means and then do it.

This is the most kickass gig in the world.

Andy Radical


by Chris Traeger
City Manager

I’ve just returned from the local Farmer’s Market and I immediately sat down to write and tell you all about it. The fall tomatoes were luscious and incredibly juicy. The apples were bright and perky. The lima beans were literally insane! Don’t even get me started on the okra – slimy to a T and delectable to a D!

I had a lovely chat with Jack Perpersten of Perpersten Family Farms who gave me a sneak peek at his early harvest cauliflower. Its robustness was magical and had this city manager craving more more more! Jack said no. I insisted and insisted and he, eventually, relented.

After telling people I was there, I was asked to judge an impromptu pumpkin contest. The honor is, and will always be, mine. So I accepted. First place went to Ida Kree with her “Globe of America” pumpkin. Honorable mentions: Carl Arnst’s “Drunk Pumpkin: The Story of Drinking” and Franny Tilver’s “A Pumpkin Will We Go!” Pumpkins tell stories with their shape, color, indentations, demeanor and positivity. Don’t let anyone ever carve one of these beautiful creatures ever again.

I left the market happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Congratulations and well done, Pawnee farmers! You make all of us omnivores proud as can be!!!


HEALTH CHECK (Halloween Costume Tips)

by Ann Perkins

Hello, everyone. I asked Leslie if I could venture outside my normal “health check” update this month and write about something I am very passionate about: Halloween costumes. She said, “No, you are a nurse and you are the greatest nurse in the world, and you will do what nurses do.” Well, I decided to do it anyway, and I’m not sure if she will use it (note from Leslie: I couldn’t stay mad at that beautiful face), but here we go.

I’ve always had a talent for name-specific costumes, so I thought I’d pick five names at random and provide them with their very own Ann Perkin-ized Halloween costume.

Michael – put a cardboard cylinder over your head and shoulders. “MIKE-roscope.”

Jennifer – make your hair messy, find items you wore back in the ’90s, maybe wear an MTV shirt. “JEN-eration X.”

Benjamin – combine an egg costume, a ham costume and a bread costume, then paint some sauce on it. “Eggs BEN-edict.”

Taylor – dress up like a tailor (measuring tape, fabric, etc.). “TAY-lor.”

Phil – dress up as a doctor (lab coat or scrubs, stethoscope, etc.). “Dr. PHIL.”

There you have it. Sorry if you don’t have one of those names. Maybe next October’s Newsletter you’ll have better luck. And, sorry to the Ann’s out there, but I can’t just give away my own potential costumes will-nilly. Actually, ya know what, here’s one I used eight years ago, and I didn’t look cute in, so you can have it. Put on green make-up, antennas, and tin foil on your wrists: “ali-ANN” (pronounce like: alien). You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween. And, as always, stay healthy!


by Jerry Gergich

Over the past three months, I have actually set my water paints down and taken up an interest in photography. Well, guess what, I have been “captured” by the power of the 70mm lens!

[This is Leslie. I’m redacting the rest of this. I’m sorry, I couldn’t allow much more. I really tried. This thing Jerry wrote was just so boring. I’m really doing you all a favor. It is basically just a lengthy recommendation to go buy a camera. So, there ya have it.]


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