Volume 4, No. 3

December 10, 2012

The End of the Year? More like the Best of the Year!

by Leslie Knope


Hooray, Pawnee! We’ve finished another year together, and wasn’t it tremendous?! I’m not sure if I can say “best ever” because we all remember the awesomeness that was 2006, right? Aw, screw it, I’m engaged, I love Ben, and Pawnee is the best city in the world! 2012 was the best year ever!!

As the year ends, I remember all of the wonderful things that the Parks and Recreation department did. And since lists are popular this time of year, I thought, “Leslie, give the people what they want!” So I made a Top 365 list because the Parks department has done at least one amazing thing every day. But after much pressure (I’m looking at you here, Ron and April and Tom and Ben and Donna and Andy and Jerry and Ann and Chris), I’ve come up with a Top 3. So, without further ado, here are the Top 3 Parks Department Events of 2012:

#3 – LET’S GO FLY A KITE – Over nine amateur kite makers showed up to fly their homemade gliders in the perfectly blustery Pawnee autumn air. My favorite was the Li’l Sebastian kite that Harriet Stunpbillow made. Li’l Sebastian’s tail was the kite tail! Can you believe it? That day, there were two Li’l Sebastians floating in heaven/near heaven.

#2 – THE 6TH ANNUAL WATER BALLOON FIGHT AT TUCKER PARK – It was a real blast! Of H2O! Unfortunately, due to a maintenance strike, the balloons never got picked up off the ground. The raccoons ate them, and a bunch of them died. But now, for the first time in a generation, Tucker Park is raccoon-free! A truly tragic silver lining.

#1 – AMAZING PETER’S MAGIC SHOW – Doves from thin air! Scarves from thin air! Flowers from thin air! The man can do anything, and his magic show in the park delighted kids of all ages. What will he make disappear next? This civil servant is hoping for one thing in particular: our national debt.

That’s it! We had quite the amazing 2012 together, Pawnee! So, in a few weeks, when the clock strikes midnight, and we officially begin 2013… remember these moments and the days of auld lang syne. If you’re not sure what “auld lang syne” means, do yourself a favor and look it up! I googled it and somehow ended up watching Lady Gaga’s newest video. I don’t know how I got there, but it was awesome, and I regret nothing!

Happy Holidays!!!



Meagle Minute

by Donna Meagle


To whoever has me for Secret Santa,

DO NOT give me any more Bruce Springsteen. I was into The Boss for like two months, but now I’VE MOVED ON. Four years and four Secret Santas later, and I’ve got 4 Bruce Springsteen CDs. Listen up: I do not need any more Bruce Springsteen CDs. This insanity has got to stop! There’s still tons you can give me, so I’m gonna lay it all out for you.

I like tequila, chocolates, spa packages, leather goods, luxurious trips, velvet slippers, Michael Ealy movies and anything Bose makes.

I do not like white wine, almonds, cotton cashmere (don’t skimp on this lady… only 100% or nothing), gift cards and mugs.

Also… I understand that there is a $20 limit to gifts. I trust my Secret Santa knows that limit does not apply to me. You can’t put a price on taste. Figure it out, and thank you, whoever you are!



Christmas Trees

by Ron Swanson


Christmas trees are a complete waste of perfectly good pine or fir. I do not condone the buying and selling of Christmas trees. However, if you decide to buy one, please do not break it down or throw it away. Respect the wood. Place a red piece of paper on your front door within the week of December 30th – January 5th when you are done with it. I will come by and handle the rest. Thank you.


Thanksgiving Circle Park Cornucopia CANCELED

by Jerry Gergich


I’m sorry, everybody, but due to a little numerical error, I accidentally scheduled this year’s Thanksgiving Circle Park Cornucopia for December 21st instead of November, and I just noticed. Apologies to everyone who showed up to Circle Park on Thanksgiving. And apologies to those who planned on celebrating this in December. I promise this is the third and final time this will happen.

Happy Holidays,



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